melchman's guide to:	Lawyer Jokes

Prerequisites:	None
Sources:	Various Sources

The Jokes

Q: What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

A large pharmaceutical company recently announced that it would stop using lab rats for experimentation preferring the use of lawyers. The press release outlined several merits to their decision:

Lawyers are becoming more plentiful than lab rats.
Animal rights protests and liability were rising, no one protests the use of lawyers.
Undergraduate laboratory assistants often grew fond of lab rats, no such phenomenon is recorded when using lawyers.
There are just some things you can't get a rat to do, a lawyer will do anything for a fee.

Q: Where do you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary.

Q: Why are lawyers buried nine feet deep?
A: Because REALLY deep down they are good people.

Q: What do you call a skydiving lawyer?
A: Skeet!

Q: What do you call a lawyer buried up to it's neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut him down.

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get your finger between his neck and the rope.

Q: You are stuck in a pit with a grizzly, a lion and a lawyer. You have a rifle with two bullets. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Q: A lawyer and an IRS agent are drowning and you can only save one of them.
A: Do you go to lunch or read the paper?