| melchman's guide to: | Misogynist Humor |
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| Prerequisites: | None |
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| Sources: | Various Sources |
Misogynist Humor
These are bad jokes that should not be told in the company of any Human Resources employee. They are mean spirited and just plain nasty jokes. If you have a fragile belief in equality of the sexes, are offended by off color humor, or believe the only way to change world opinion is to completely deny the existance of things you do not like, stop reading now and hit the Back button.
If you enjoy off color humor and can appreciate prime examples of an undesirable thoughts. These jokes are for you. You may also wish to read the lawyer jokes, too.
Definition
misogynist
\Mi*sog"y*nist\, n. [Gr. ?, ?; ? to hate + ? woman: cf. F. misogyne.] A woman hater. --Fuller.
Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.
The Jokes
Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing! She's already been told. Twice!
Q: Why do women (on average) have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Wedding Dress
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances are white."
Sorority Chick Jokes
This section contains the category of jokes commonly known as Blonde Jokes. I never found the stereotypical blondes a difficult target and preferred to substitute Sorority Chick for Blonde. This got me much more mileage on the college campus.
These jokes could just be misogynist if you believe all women are stupid. This would make them stupid woman jokes. Trouble here is most of these jokes assume a small segment of women: young, attractive and single. Not all jokes work well with this substitution.
Good jokes in this category imply women are stupid. Better jokes involve a demeaning sex act. This is usually unrequited oral sex, especially to groups of men. Great jokes do both and objectify women as sex toys with little or no value after orgasm.
Q: How does a sorority chick turn the lights on after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What does a sorority chick say after sex?
A: So, are you guys all on the same team?
Q: What's the difference between a sorority chick and the garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out twice a week.
Q: What is the sorority chick mating call?
A: I am soooo drunk!
21 Days
A group of 7 sorority chicks come into a bar. They are all chanting "21 days, 21 days, 21 days ..." They order a couple bottles of champagne, grab a table in the back and start to chatter excitedly.
The bartender brings the champagne and glasses to the table and asks what "21 days" is all about.
One of the girls explains they just completed a jigsaw puzzle. It was really big and kinda hard. She raised her glass and so did the rest of the girls. She then said, "The box said 6-8 years, but we completed it in just ..."
"21 days, 21 days, 21 days," they all chanted.
Those Darn Dead Beat Dads!
We are all very upset with dead beat dads who do not shoulder the burden of the children they sire. It is a shameful thing in theory, but the practical matters sometimes complicate the issues and cloud the truth. It seems a simple question, "Who is the Daddy?" These answers from the family services forms show how complex and comical the issue can become:
- Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
- I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
- I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
- I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.
- I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
- I do not know who the father of my child was as all men look the same to me.
- Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
- From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
- So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.
- I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby; after all, when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.