I got hit from behind, again! The driver of a white minivan was distracted and failed to stop for the line of traffic stalled cars. She hit a Crown Victoria cab with enough speed to push it into my bumper. I am not hurt, but will need to make a claim on my nice new NYS insurance. This is the second bumper another driver will buy for me. I have to hand it to Honda, both times I heard the crash and felt a small goose, but was not injured. I am not fond of the $1200 price tag that accompanies these little trips to the adjuster and body shop, but the last time was paid in full rather quickly.

Tags: NYS

Yep, I am still drinking the Dew. I know my Countrywide compatriots thought I might give it up, but there it is cooling in the CW Cafe Mug.

Well, the holiday at home is over. Pictures are still on the camera.

216|

Tags: PA

Yep, the clock reads 5 p. m. and the window reads midnight. It is getting DARK fast. We are still a full moon from Yule. I might even have to consider rising earlier in the day!


Probably not.

Tags: NYS

Why the heck would anybody need mirror heaters?


I need them. Without them I would not be able to drive on days like today. My view of the other lanes would be similar to my view out the windshield before that Defroster kicks in.


I enjoyed my ass, errr, ummm, seat heater, too!

Tags: Tarrytown, endorsement

Built in 1898, the quaint accommodations for this year are just off the municipal parking lot. The address is Washington Street, but I am behind another (newer) home. Downtown is across the parking lot. Stumbling home after a great night on the town will not involve driving!

Tags: NYS, Tarrytown, 2BDaMan

In an effort to maintain the posting habits of Mr. Charles Cornish, I took this photograph of my new home in Tarrytown, NY Charlie Style! That is Tarrytown on the Eastern shore of the Hudson River. The river is 3 miles wide here and was considered an inland sea by the Dutch settlers.

That is three lanes of traffic in my mirror. The blur in the Jersey barriers should indicate ~ 65 miles per hour. While taking a photograph.

Tags: NYS, Tarrytown, 2BDaMan

After a transcontinental move and my second PMU meltdown I have returned to blogging. Look for Pictures ala 2 B Da Man.

Tags: NYS

Thanks Pete, I love my punk prime. I don't actually have any 999 in my playlist. I do have the Buzzcocks anthem, "What Do I Get" for your Father's Day enjoyment.

11 What Do I Get

Tags: Music, IckMusic

We got out to see the Blue Man Group while we were in Las Vegas. I love the experience and physical sound. Just being in the room with drums that large you can feel the music. The light play and humor also appeal to me.

Here is a track to enjoy.
Track: 05 Rods and Cones

I lost it to a video game. I asked for Civilization III for the holidays. It is the perfect blend of Risk and SimCity I was hoping to find. It is a great deal of fun to play. This is the type of game I like.

Trouble is, each turn takes about a minute and there are about 500 turns in a game. The first game I won was 7 hours, 48 minutes and 13 seconds (468.2 minutes) and 511 turns. When you win it tells you how long you spent on the game. Nice feature to remind you how much of your life is consumed by this diversion.

As a result I have not "bLogged" in months.

209

"When using reliable technology, troubleshoot the simple and physical stuff first."- Jim Melcher (Hey, that's me!)

Technology I Love

I was sitting at my computer when I saw a voicemail pop into my inbox! I immediately thought, "Huh?" I then slipped into troubleshooting mode. This is a hazard of being currently employed as a support analyst and a lifelong geek.

I love new technology. I love proven reliable technology more. Fellow geeks and other Windows users will note my first thought was "Huh?" and not "Damn, I don't have time to reboot!" This initial thought comes from my broad experience with alternate technologies. Technologies that usually work, for months, without restarts, without unexplained halts.

The particular technology that had me puzzled was my telephone. I admire the telephone network. My father was a long time employee of Bell of Pennsylvania and then Verizon in the end. I even put in a few years at the "pho-en cump'ny¹" before it became Verizon. Fellow geeks, consider a technology service that is deployed to millions of users with high uptime, small learning curve and variable hardware implementations.

Your kids can use a telephone, your parents can use a telephone. People in cities and people with barns were able to use the early telephones. The system is usually up. Except in extreme circumstances of weather or physical damage people rely on the telephone. It is a reliable system. It is this kind of technology that I expect and assume in most of my experiences.

Fast Forward

After several upgrades to the telephone system (touch tone, fax service, data service, *69) including the successful interlink with parallel technologies (cellular, Internet) I find myself at my heavily used iMac² receiving an electronic mail message from my telephone voice mail system. This indicates a missed a call and someone left a message. I was right here when the telephone call was placed, but my telephone set did not ring. "Huh?"

I am working with Windows clients at work. I must admit a lapse in troubleshooting judgment. I went to the router to check it out first.

Router? Sorry, forgot to mention I am a Vonage person. I would be happy to refer you. After this article you may want to switch for the low prices and national long distance included in your monthly rate (which I love!).

Given the complicated implementation of my telephone service, I panicked. I pulled a Windows move and restarted the router.

I don't know why.

I was receiving email on my iMac at the time of the outage. That means the internet traffic from my computer was successfully traveling over the same router and internet connection as the telephone service data. This was my first clue. I ignored it and rebooted.

That little reboot restored my service for a minute. Even reliable technologies will respond to drastic, brutish methods. I was a short lived victory. Before I could look at the number of the caller in the emailed voice mail, my service went high and dry again. This was my second clue. I ignored it and prepared to reboot something else.

This time I had the number programmed into my telephone handset's dial buffer. No delay this time! I decided to restart the Network Interface (often called the cable modem). This brutal solution also restored my service. So, I dialed. Unfortunately, I seem to have a problem with my biological dial buffer. I transposed some of the digits of the telephone number and received an invalid number message from the telephone network.

Blame Cox

Service was restored, and I get to the blame the cable company. Blaming a big company pleases the inner "technology should be free to everyone" streak in me. Too bad the nice big expensive networks that I need can only be produced by big companies seeking big profits. Many people hate the local cable company. I have little trouble with the service. I think they resent the price, and frequent price hikes.

I digress. I hang up and go to the iMac screen to get the number. I pick up the phone again, but the invalid number message is still playing! "Huh?" This was my third and final clue. In a reliable system it is always the simple (often physical) stuff that causes the problem.

It Wasn't

I had no problem with my heat beleaguered router. My Cox cable service was even reliable! The problem was me. I had answered the telephone late last night with the old style phone in the other room. The one with the physical switch to hang up. The switch that is activated (opened) by placing the full weight of the handset on it.

I failed to properly hung up my telephone. This whole technological odyssey was caused by a simple physical failure of the full weight of the handset to come to rest on the switch. The telephone network did it's job and cut my service until I properly hung up.

---

¹ This is not misspelled, that was the proper "dumb dutch" name of the the company that provided telephone service in Berks county. It was four syllables: Foe En Cump Nee.

² This footnote is a required apology to my Windows using friends. Many of you believe me to be a Windows user. I am at work, but not out of preference. I own a MacIntosh. I use it whenever I can. This bLog is composed and published on an iMac. Sorry if I deceived you by seeming normal.

Katie does Commercials!

Video: Commercial

We had the second opportunity to attend the ASU, W. P. Carey, Annual, Holiday, Charity Event. I probably forgot some adjectives, but it was a fine semi formal event.

The charity benefits from a faux casino. You get chips with your admission. You gamble away said chips. If you are Karen you actually double your chips and have enough to buy raffle tickets with the accumulated chips. Then there is a much announced drawing for prizes donated to the charity event.

Karen won 4 Diamondbacks ticket for the 2007 season. We went to a few games already it will be fun.

I am a slow learner. I do not usually like songs until years after their release. I have to admit I like this one. It is catchy pop and doesn't pretend to be more. I think the theme is great for a wedding album. I don't understand why it "doesn't do anything" for Pete.

Here it is, the Danger Mouse collaboration... Gnarls Barkley with Crazy.
07 Crazy

Brian finally got to take a breath and started calling everyone with the much anticipated details.

Basic facts: 7 lbs. 14 ozs. 21"
Marcus Aaron James Braden
Born 11/10/2006 17:37

Jennifer (Momma) is fine. After 37.5 weeks, probably relieved. She was released on Sunday.

Brian is the happiest parent I have heard in a long time. I could not resist this post. It makes me giddy just to hear him coping with the changes.


Podcast

Brian Called He met Jennifer at the hospital at 4:10 PM.

Water broke, this is really happening.

Chuck got stuck managing an implementation of QumasDoc (now DocCompliance) at Purdue. Despite this introduction we got along just fine. Chuck likes cars. Old cars, new cars anything he can tweak a little more horsepower from, pretty much makes him happy.

Chuck is also the source of some of the best "list humor" I keep. He find lists that last. They are fun, but they don't wear out after the first reading. The latest gems is a list of definitions. Simple definition of the function of tools. You know, stuff guys should know.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted airplane part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Or snap off shower necks. I broke one off and needed to get the tile removed, replace the "receiver" and retile. Ooops!

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog shit off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16 INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO, and neatly rounds off their heads.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.

This just in...

The United States returns to its senses and give control of the House and Senate back to the Democratic Party after 12 years of short cutting due process, closing hearing and bending over backward to please the President.


Thank you.

You may soon be forgiven for letting that texas moron in control, twice!

No wedding soundtrack would be complete without some adoring, saccharine songs. This proves a few things. Vicky is getting lucky this time. In every way Mike just interpreted that line! Last time around was not such a good move. There was way too much pressure to do as God intended and live with it. Not enough thought was spent on how to make the best of things. I expect this time she will be happier.

Mike gets it. He hides it well, but he does know what is happening. The next few postings of his more humorous choices will not overshadow the fact that he is in love.

Cue the sap:
04 You and Me (Wedding Version)
14 100 Years
UPDATE: I was so taken away while blathering on about my hopes for the new couple I forgot to mention the Track vitals! Track 4 "You and Me" is a song by Lifehouse. This track and "Hanging By A Moment" should be playing on your radio about now. "100 Years" is a great track by "Five for Fighting" who also have a track called "Superman" that you also heard on the radio or the Smallville sound track. Hopefully all this information is in the MP3 metadata for your reference.

One back story on this track is William Broad wrote it in protest of his little sister getting married to a man which Billy did not like. I hope that is not why this track made it to the album. It's been said before, but I like Mike.

My sister did not have the best start on life, but pulled herself through way more shit than I will ever be able to pull through. Mike is like an antidote for that. He can make light of any situation without missing the real gravity of it. It is a great thing for a woman who forgets to laugh and is anticipating the worst.

I really don't know what she is freaking out about. She has it down. Husband, family, house and new Honda CR-V. What else does she want? She has "made it." Did you scan that, Vic? Take a chill! Enjoy a little.

Hopefully this track is on the disc for its popular ties to the Wedding Singer movie. Maybe it is another reason, Mike? Care to clarify?

Track: 03 White Wedding

Larry asked, "what does your dog do all day while you are at work?"

Simple answer: Sleep!

I told him I can get home early some days and the dog will not even hear me come into the house. He loves his nap time.

Larry asked, can you catch him sleeping? I did:


He didn't even open his eyes until the red eye reducing preflash was going.

Yes, the bedding is probably Fleinhardt approved.

Mike has long followed the output of a boy named E. It seemed improbable that at least one eels track would not make it on the album. E is all over the charts in style and tone, but always manages to speak some truth in the oddest possible way.

For much more information, free tracks and a directory for another slice of the music world check out the main EELS page.

Anyway on to the track: 02 Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)

We hosted another small gathering in the wake of the successful 36th birthday party. We pulled in some members of her executive MBA class and had a few of my co-workers return.

We actually used Club Melcher this time. There was arcade game play, billiards happened, martinis and mojitos were flowing. Pete brought some music to set the mood. I got to tend bar behind my favorite piece of furniture. I has handing out stories and tequila shots! We even had a group use the main room to < gasp > talk!

Really had a great time. Good to see and meet all who came out to our place.

My sister got married again. She married Mike. Mike has great taste in music and passion for collecting songs and band information. He doesn't have music bLog like Pete, but he could not resist the publication opportunity provided by a wedding with lots of guests. He compiled some songs relating to the event, love and the modern definitions of it. He then burned a disc for each guest.

Mike also has an odd sense of humor so most of the songs has a double meaning. Either to him or someone in the families. I ripped them all in to iTunes and started the search for humor and meaning in each track.

Mike gets along famously with my niece Caily. There were even jokes in the toast about being the same mental age. So the first featured track from "The Wedding Album is a short little tune form the Bouncing Souls called, "19 I Like Your Mom"

Website: Bouncing Souls

P. S. Sorry about the 19, but it will help you organize the tracks when the posting is done.
P. P. S. See Pete I can post music on my bLog.

The walls are sanded and primed in the bathroom. I am expecting to put up the color on the walls today and tomorrow. Possible getting to the closet in two weeks. THen we can discuss the next gathering at Club Melcher

Dr. Chuck is a friend, bLogger and countryman. See his new badge link on the home page. Dr. Chuck care for music and radio much like Pete at ickmusic. They have very different areas of special interest, but the same depth of interest.

Dr. chuck is suffer from techno lag.

We need to help Dr. Chuck.

This is a shameless plea for comments, but it is time for an intervention. Dr. Chuck, sit down and listen up!

DO NOT REORGANIZE YOUR CD COLLECTION!

Rip them into iTunes. You can organize and reorganize there using playlists, categories and genre. Store your polymer and aluminum is a nice comfortable scratch-free case library. You can even go retro and get the cases that look like books and put them on the shelf like your very own encyclopedia set.

Katie caught a gig on WWE's Smackdown. She was "arm candy" to Super Agent M. V. P. and watch Vito make and (and show his) ass to everyone by wearing a dress and not much underneath to wrestle. Given that Charles is such a fan I consulted with him and found the evidence of her involvement with Professional Wrestling. See photo 35 for a familiar face.

The plumbing and lighting is nearly complete. The motor for the Jacuzzi is getting wired in tomorrow. It is really looking great now.

We should be in the bathroom by Saturday. Check it out: Almost Done!

The master bath project has hit a great milestone. The tile work is done. We should be in the bathroom by Saturday. Check it out: Tile!

My new just as an application support analyst requires that someone be at the office form 5 a. m. to 6 p. m. during Daylight time. It will shift to 6 - 7 when the rest of the nation reverts to normal time. This week it is my task to show up at 5 a. m. I am not and never have been a morning person. Waking up before 4 a. m. so that I can shower, shave and slide down the highway is not something I thought I was capable of doing.

This is the second day of the shift and I am discovering I am not able to do it. I was so very tired at work today that I could feel myself pausing to contemplate the answers to simple dialog box questions I normally click through in a nearly precognitive fashion. I wanted nothing more than to drive myself home before falling asleep behind the wheel and hitting the sack!

I did that. After a few hours discussing the finer point of tile installation with the bathroom tile installer. Then his family's health. Then their relative poverty. Then I literally had to walk away to get him to drop the subject, all subjects and go home.

I finally got up to the bedroom and fell asleep. this lead to my worse nightmare in recent decades. I scared the dog too as I woke screaming out loud! I think I need to consider what the early shift is costing me.

I threw myself a birthday party last night. I invited some friends over, mostly from Countrywide and we had a good time. The scale was small, about 15 people made it out to Club Melcher. The arcade got some action. The billiards table caught a few games. Karen and I got in the pool for a time. Mariyah joined us.

Tequila and I are apparently friends again. I started with a Tres Generaciones shot and keep it up at a pretty good pace. I was not wretchedly hung over this morning as I usually am after tequila.

Did some grilling and had the tartlets for late sweets. Thanks to my guests, we also had an excellent shrimp tray, good rums and side salads for the main meat. I whipped up pretty good guacamole for the first round of drinks, too.

Karen managed to stay sober. Her personal trainer told her to quit drinking. She had a good time, just went alcohol free. In fact she got up at 6:00 a. m. to go on a 7 mile hike. understand we went to bed at 2:30 a. m. She is just nutty about this stuff!

The master bath project is passing the destruction phase and entering the taking shape phase. The demolition is done. The new circuit for the tub motor is in. The plumbing is nearly complete. Some drywall has gone up and repairs to the rest of the house (to damage done running the circuit) is getting fixed.

I am particularly happy with the new openess of the space. It is a narrow room and much of the space was wasted in dead zones. The new layout has a wider look and utilizes open space for passage while cramming feature into the bath.

The body jets in the shower are set. The tub fill is cut into the ceiling. We are getting the skeleton done.

Yes I said tub fill and ceiling. Take a look.

We are in full swing on the Master bath project. There are holes in the wall and ceilings. The electrician needed to run a circuit for the Jacuzzi tub motor. As with every utility in this house the connection (electric box) is on the opposite side of the house from the appliance! They fished and snaked and finally got the power to the bath room.

Everything is covered with plastic to avoid getting dusty.

Honda Repair
Today my Honda needed a new condenser. Apparently I created a large hole in my old one, probably running over a tumbleweed on the way to the Canyon. Since the daily high is reaching the 102 mark here, I decided not to delay the repair of this primary component of the air conditioning system.

In the modern two car family dynamic, simple things like getting a car to the shop can be a tactical nightmare. This is one of those stories.

Background
Since the day we bought it this car has maintained a dislike for me. The 2005 Chevrolet Corvette has a keyless entry, starting and driver preference system. There is no key! Just the black plastic thing like the one that forms the top of your key. It is called a fob.

There is no lock. It does not even have a door handle in the traditional sense. Much like the power switch on your PC there is a button where the door handle should be. This button purports to open the door. It is really only a suggestion, though. When you press the button a series of logical tests are conducted across the vehicle sensor array. It scans the immediate electromagnetic field for a particular signature. A signature created by one of 2 fobs. If the signature is found in close proximity, the door is opened by actuating a small electric motor that pulls the latch. My fob never really works.

Dead Sexy
Not to complain. There is very little cooler than walking up to your car during a casual conversation, pressing the button / door handle and having the car already unlocked for you. It is smooth, effortless and dead sexy. When it works. Mine never does. Dead sexy quickly becomes another fine work of profanity while I fumble for the fob and use the button there to unlock the car like the tradition car alarm.

Two Car Shuffle
So, we get up early. We both drive to the dealer. I explain that the air conditioner doesn't and turn over the keys (Yes, the Honda has keys, locks and real door handles). I hop in the Corvette and she drives us to work. We get to JDA and we hop out. Quick morning kiss, discuss contingencies for various repair completion times and head our separate ways. She walks into her office, I drive away.

Interface Design
I used to write applications for companies. I had to lead teams of developers. This gave me the wonderful opportunity to consider the User Interface. Take it from me, if your application has a user dialog that includes the words "No Fob Detected" now would be the time to display them.

You see where this tale is headed.

Driving the Driving Machine
I blissfully pull away and hit the highway in a 400 horsepower driving machine. I tune my tunes in on the MP3 reader and cruise to work in style and speed. I am having a fine morning drive.

Soon I arrive at my destination 25 miles from the fob which my wife carried with her into her office. It was in her purse where it always stays safely tucked in a ridiculously small zippered compartment that could have no other purpose. The beauty of this spectrum scanning, signature finding security system is just that. She never needs to take it out and do the 80's click for the Woot-woot from the alarm.

I park the car and reach for the fob in the center console. It must be there. I just drove 25 miles without a warning about the fob not detected. I will just grab it and take it in with me.

It is not there. I don't have to search for it because the car is indicating its absence on the Driver Information Panel. This device is designed and named for when you do something that makes you feel like a DIP. The message is "No Fob Detected. Continue or Turn Off?"

I did not actually look this up in the driver's manual. I am sure it would say something to the effect of:

You have asked to turn off the engine and engage the security system. Since you either lost or forgot your fob during the last 25 miles of your journey I will ask you to keep running before I shutdown, engage the security system and begin to pretend I don't know you.

So there you are. Do you let the car run for 9 or so hours while you go to work? Hoping all the while no other fob-less individual drives it away. OR do you turn it off and get locked out of a car with no locks?

The humiliation and scorn from your wife is now inevitable. You will be ridiculed for one of the following reasons:

• You ran the car all day. Well, most of the day. I am not sure of the conversion rate, but a car that gets 17 mpg is going to run out of fuel at some point and I am betting it is less then 9 hours at under half a tank. So you wasted half a tank AND had to have it towed.
• 
  
• Someone else discovered the hole in GM's excellent security plan and hops in for a day of joyriding. You lost the car!
• 
  
• You turn it off and have to call her and explain you never even considered bringing your fob. Why would that be needed?

The latter seemed the least expensive, though I did consider my options carefully.

No Ladies, It Never Crossed My Mind
I can hear the female readers of this bLog asking two questions now. I will pause to answer them.

No. At no point in the tactical planning of the car shuffle did I consider needing my fob. Hers would be used to start the car and would stay in the center console where I always put mine. There would be no problem here.

And NO. I did not consider driving back to JDA or home to get the fob. I would then have to call may boss and attempt to explain why I was late. I could not understand that myself, how could I explain it to him?

Yes this would have been the second best plan to ACTUALLY remembering to bring my fob. It is also a plan that can only be concocted by someone with a strong social network. An individual who feels no shame in asking for help.

Shutdown
Well it is done. The engine is off and I head to work listening to the security system engage. Time to make some calls. I must call my wife to explain the situation and take my ridicule like, well, a man who failed to plan.

This was not done before consulting with the other men at work on a plan to avoid detection of my error. "OnStar, dude, call OnStar!" Genius!

I place a pre-emptory call to OnStar to see if I have enough vital personal information to convince them I am the rightful owner of the expensive sports car I am about to beg entry to. It works! They will unlock it for me. Now I just hope that means the fob detector thingy accepts the unlock signal as permission to start the car. I will call them back when I am close to the car.

Now I call my wife with a lower impact failure to plan. I get a little ridicule and the vital OnStar account number.

OK, do a little work and take a "smoke break" at the car. Well, now that we are testing the technical facets of OnStar and the somewhat tenuous theory that this will disengage the fob detector I have to have an audience of men who want to see the action. We travel to the car. I make the call and get through the security questions and account number giving. They send the signal and...

Well the signal takes up to 10 minutes. My excited crowd of technophiles dwindles. I wait in the garage for the lights to blink and allow me access. I wait alone, for what seems like more than 20 minutes. Then the lights blink and I am in!

Start Up?
Under normal conditions the car cannot be started with making a few safety checks using the advanced vehicle sensors. Purely for safety reasons, please understand. You must have your foot pressed on the brake. The car door must also be closed. In case I decide to also press the accelerator and launch forward at speeds up to 60 miles per hour in the first 3 seconds after I start the car.

Knowing this, and not wanting to blow what I am sure is my single chance to start this thing, I close the door and press the brake pedal. I press the Start button and I am politely informed "No Fob Detected" by the DIP. Then the car automatically locks itself and engages the security system.




Yes.



I am locked inside my wife's Corvette.

There is no key to unlock the lock that doesn't exist. There is no pull knob to spring me out of my fiberglass and steel cage. There are buttons to suggest the door be unlocked. They all trigger the "No Fob Detected" message. I fell like the DIP again.

I do have my phone (fearing even the beloved OnStar is disabled when No Fob Detected). I call them back and explain my predicament. They don't laugh. They begin to ask all the questions I have already asked. Can't you use your key? Can't you pull the lock knob? Can you roll down the window? Aren't you in Arizona?

Yes, I am in Arizona. So, please let's not wait until the ambient temperature rises over 100 before trying to get me some fresh air! OnStar is not equipped to handle customers inside the vehicle without calling some other agency. If they are unconscious, dying or have sustained life threatening injuries they quickly call the fire department. The fire department can't help me. So they call GM Customer Care. Surely the manufacturer knows how to get someone out of the vehicle. After that someone triggers the anti theft devices.

GM Customer Care
GM has a broad array of products. The representative was very polite and helpful. She made several suggestion about how to exit a GM vehicle. She has never driven a Corvette or Cadillac with a driver preference system, keyless entry and starting. You guessed it: the same list of remedies involving physical access to the lock.

I interrupted and suggested she read the 2005 Corvette owner's manual on her screen. She takes a moment. Then replies, "Oh, wait you are in Arizona. Is it hot there yet?"

Fortunately OnStar has gambled on a second unlock signal. It has just come through and I quickly exit the luxury leather interior of the 400 horsepower coffin. "I'm out!" I announced. The OnStar representative and the Customer Care representative actually applauded. Then I just had to answer a few customer satisfaction questions before I hung up and went back to work.

I am home now. The Honda is here and the air is frosty inside. The Corvette is here too. I think it may be some time before I am allow to drive it again. Much longer before she stops asking, "did you bring your fob?"

More Shadowrun this weekend. Everyone but Kurt is coming out for the Scottsdale campaign this Sunday. I still have to get the Shadowrun section in shape.

Ridgeline A/C sucks! it was been around 100 degrees this week and the Ridgeline A/c has failed I am taking it to them tomorrow to get it fixed. Maybe that is why I lost 3 pounds this week!

Got a new HDTV with a minty new wide display? Get a PlayStation 2 to play your games again. It is the coolest! Seriously I have a buncha friends who are re buying the PS2 now that it is down to $129 so they can get a rerun on their games in 1080. I thought it was a super geeky thing only I wanted to do, but I am not alone. You know your old one is shot, buy anew one with a net card and get online. What? are you waiting for that fad to pass? Right! That's going to happen.

Expanding the Documentum core of knowledge has been fun. I am practicing the high level stuff that I was preaching at Purdue and never got to use. Now I am diagnosing unexpected behavior and really getting to see the gears turn. I have more training next month (after Jamaica).

Speaking of after Jamaica, I may be full time at Countrywide in my post island posts. If all works as planned.

I completely blew it for Mom's Day. I was passed out for most of it. Still I completely skipped it. (Bad Seed Points +25) My sisters showed up to make Mommy Brunch. Brown nosers!


Bad Seed Points: 829,546 (Family Record: 2,385,367,678)

Friday the 26th through June 4th there will be no subtext.melchman.net updates. I am in Jamaica. Don't call! Don't write! I will be incoherent and drunk and in the pool.

Readers may recall we bought the Internet access package last time and I updated anyway.

Sorry for not posting. I got really sick again. Karen was at the JDA User Conference in Las Vegas. She brought a bug home with her. She was wiped out most of the weekend and I was wiped out the rest of it. Didn't get to work until Tuesday.

Lost 3 pounds for my agony.

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Well, after much copying pasting reformatting and other string tricks melchman.net is back to a maintainable level.

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I exported the fictional Melcher Munitions Catalog site over the RW root. I quickly removed the bad export and corrected the problem. I also deleted by RW project files. I will be rebuilding the site for the next few weeks. Please pardon our dust!

Most of the content is still here, but the index is gone and I will need to recreate it page by page.

Don't cook the router!

I lost my Vonage phone service today. Well, sort of...

I started getting calls on my cell phone this morning that were forwarded from my home (Vonage) number. I thought that was odd, so I checked the settings at Vonage. I found that the forwarding feature was not active. I was reminded that Vonage offers a network fail over feature. IF they detect the phone is not attached to the network, they will forward the incoming call to a number of your choosing. I chose the cell phone and that is my I was getting the calls this morning.

That's odd, thought I, did my cable company fail, did my power company fail?

No, no James it was you who failed.

We bought this house, um, used. For whatever reason the first occupant have connected the cable to the front room of the house. This is the first room guests see and is therefore a show piece. I cannot have my router and repeaters and amplifier and associated wiring just lying about without risking divorce. I neatly stacked all my cables, network appliances, stereo components and printer in a cabinet. A cabinet with door to hide my "mess" you see.

Well, desert living has its advantages. We spent an extended Easter Weekend with my nieces. The weather was wonderful and the doors were open and the pool was the central point of their stay. It was lovely really.

With all the indoor / outdoor living going on here the Air conditioning was turned off. So let's add this up...

Several components that generate heat
Stuffed into an enclosed space
Little ventilation
No air conditioning
97 degree ambient temperature


Equals one thrashing router. I came home to find the little bugger flashing its little activity lights but providing no service to any port. I promptly removed it from atop the amplifier and over to the vented corner of the cabinet.

Vonage discovered my telephone quickly and I have service again. The iMac saw the Internet so you get this story and a recipe for baking Linksys products.

Karen's sister Jill and her girls Pam and Theresa are arriving today. I will fetch them from Sky Harbor after work today. We will see them this weekend and they fly out on Tuesday.

The girls are into pools, so most of the entertainment is probably going to be in the back yard. I will try to interest them in the local attractions though. i don't really know much about "Scottsdale for Kids" though. My favorite places involve food and drink.

I hope this is the first entry for the new host. Welcome to melchman.net on iPowerWeb.

Kevin is done and the heat pump is raising the pool temperature.

Well, it excited me!

Kevin the electrician is here working on powering the heat pump. He is nearly done so we should have warm water today.

It appears the neighbors are getting some work done on the pool. There are guys with jackhammers and a dust cloud from the pulverized concrete. It is very noisy. Hey! They just backed a truck up in their driveway. I guess to haul away the concrete chunks?

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