My Christ-Crazed, Umlaut-having, SNOTtsdale-defining neighbors are moving today! I am moved... to song!

PARENTAL WARNING: These lyrics contain sarcasm, religious intolerance and a general disdain for Home Owner's Associations, Conservative Christians Groups and other forms of proselytizing. Sing at your own risk of eternal damnation and Hell fire!

Jesus loves them this I know
Zealous Christians told me so
To their church I must belong
Well I guess I proved them wrong

REFRAIN:
Yes! Jesus loves them
Yes! Jesus loves them
Yes! Jesus loves them
Zealous Christians told me so

Little Ones they now have four
Sell their cookies at my door
Said they want a bigger yard
New neighbors should be on guard

==REFRAIN==

Teddy's barking at your gate
Hope you were not up too late
Tennis balls and rackets soon
Fill your yard all afternoon.

==REFRAIN==

Debbie has a business plan
In your hand her card she crams
Baskets, flowers, plastic bins
Depends upon, "whatever's in!"

==REFRAIN==

Speeding signs and safety cones
Soon will block your way back home
Who has moved in 'cross the street
Fam'ly from their church they meet

==REFRAIN==

Thursday night the cars all park
'Round their house 'til after dark
Bible Thumpin' is the sound
You will hear them as they pound

==REFRAIN==

Recyclin' goes out to the curb
Herr Sören this will disturb
Bottles, cans of sinful drinks
His look for you, it is distinct

==REFRAIN==

Better have the bin back soon
Well before the stroke of noon
If he notes a small delay
Notifies that H O A

==REFRAIN==

Social skills are weak and wrong
On this block they didn't belong
Hindus, Jews and atheists
None of us they'll ever miss

MIDI: Musical Accompaniment

Many of you have read the posts or heard me refer to my neighbor as the "Home Owner's Association Nazi" for some of the authoritarian steps he has taken to ensure the property values go up.

I am joking.

As a non Jewish, American, under the age of 70. I am able to joke. I was not "over there" in the 30's and 40's. My government does not outlaw certain symbols, articles and types of political speech. I know no one who was in a concentration camp, guarding or working to death.

It was easy to make the joke because:

• The guy has and umlaut in his first name
• He has 4 children that have blonde hair, blue eyes
• He is teaching them all to speak German
• He stands guard at play time with a stance befitting a good soldier

These thing do not make him a member of a regime bent on world domination and extermination of religious sects. For crying out loud, I'm of German descent. Properly spelled, my mother's maiden name has an umlaut in it. My grandmother spoke a German dialect.

I do submit, for your consideration, his choice in reading material. Courtesy of another error from the worst postal carriers in the entire USPS:


Yes, I cropped it to protect his mailing address (and mine since I admitted being his neighbor). This is, however, a magazine called World War II published by thehistorynet.com that promises new revelations from a lost interview with Hermann himself.

I know it is about history. I can read the inside cover has advertisements for Avalon Hill Games miniatures for boys (like me) who never grew up. It does make jokes about my neighbor a bit more fun, though.

109

Apparently after a record setting temperature day we are getting a super windy night.

So, one of Plasticville's other perks religious freedom, but not freedom from religion.

Upon meeting our new next door neighbors we were invited to "join them Sunday" and for Bible Study Thursday. I didn't even know their religion and I was invited. The "man of the house" quickly "shushed" her realizing it was probably too soon in the relationship to bring up the subject.

Can't blame her really. The other new neighbor moved in to be closer to their fellow congregants. We were really just "moving in with the flock" in her eyes. It would be rude not to extend the offer. Maybe she gets a free week off offerings?

We can't even discuss the depth of disdain from my neighbors when I did not decorate for the religious holidays in December. They were not sure whether to be more confused or concerned. "Are you Jewish?" Our friendly parishioner asked. The newest owners of one of our close cluster of homes proudly displays a Buddha on the entry column. I can't imagine the confusion and unknowing abuse they are getting.

Today, a slightly terrified, skinny, little kid stopped by to hand deliver an invitation. It was to a gathering at the Glendale Arena. He handed it over face down so I would not reject it immediately. His hand shook as he passed to to me.

I happily took his page and said something like, "Oh!" "Great!" "The Glendale Arena" Then closed the door before his speech began. Kid might have a career in sales after this round of rejection.

Well, in case you read this without heading my warning (bad bLog reader!) and wanted to join the Witnesses at their global, arena-sized, weekend-long recruitment drive the information is a below. If you can read it, you could just go the the Watch Tower.

Oh, by the way, welcome to Scottsdale. Bible Study is tomorrow night. Topic is "Wives Gone Wild: What would Isaac do?"

Plasticville has more aspects than plastic neighbors and draconian HOAs. It has realtors. Aggressive realtors who advertise without thinking. Aggressive realtors with really bad names.

Never Mind the Sex Pistol, It's Bob Bullock! He was the #3 Agent Companywide in 2003. He was the #2 Agent worldwide in 2001.

Never mind the market has slumped and Bob hasn't made the top ten is over 2 years...

He will sell your house for $562,00 - $725,000! On average that is only 75,000 less than you paid last year!

I went to get take out from Flo's and met a guy from Danbury. Get this story...

He moved out here with his wife for her job. He is finding the salary range much lower than back east. I shared my HOA nightmares with him and he chuckled knowingly. He said the Snottsdale attitude has him moving to Surprise. They are leaving their second condo for a house out there. Nicer than this place, less than half the price!

His favorite encounter was on a golf course. He live near the FLW and Scottsdale road intersection. Some days he exercises the dog along the canal. The golf course is nest to the canal. His usual time for this exercise is early afternoon on weekdays when the course is usually empty. He ride his bike and the dog runs with him. One day the dog got out in front a bit and a man in a golf cart drive full speed toward the dog and makes a sharp skid turn in front of the dog! The dog sits and stares at the golf cart driver, a bit confused. My Danbury friend catches up and the cart driver starts threatening him and the dog! "you oughtta leash that animal before someone gets hurt, I got my phone right here I call someone to get this animal off the course, blah blah, threat, empty words..."

So here we have a fine example of California Transplantation. The man nearly runs down a dog with a golf cart. The dog reacts by sitting at attention. The Transplant threatens the dog, the owner and civility because he is used to getting his way. I asked my friend from Danbury why he did not threaten to snap his scrawny neck before his finished dialing his phone for help just for threatening his dog. We laughed at the thought then went back to our beers knowing that is exactly what the cart creep wanted. He was trying to provoke a reaction that would be actionable. Push civility to the breaking point then sue to collect cash.

BTW, The food was good.

204

So, the City Solid Waste Department has a website! I submitted a "concern" about my recycling bin yesterday. Today I received a very kind note informing me that the repair crews are quite busy, but this repair order has gone on too long and will be expedited!

When I got home I had a working container. The lid is attached and whole! It's not a new container, but it is clean and working. I am just putting trash, er, um, recyclables in it anyway.

Assuming we count the day of discovery (Friday) as Day 0, we are approaching the deadline! This message is sent at the conclusion of business day two. The notice specifically states I am required to keep the container at the curb for 2 - 3 business days.

If it is not fixed tomorrow evening I have to contact the City of Scottsdale. Then "someone will fry" for this!

I live in Plasticville! My recycling container is in bad shape, the lid is hinged and the hinge is failing. I really was thinking about replacing it and just had not figured out who to call. It's not actually my bin, it's Scottsdale's bin. I am just using it, as is my right, as a resident and taxpayer.

Anyway the bin is broken. The driver (sanitation engineer) "noticed it was broken" probably because the lid fell off when the mechanical arm lifted it over the truck to invert it. This probably put a serious cramp in the reclamation specialist's day. He had to exit the vehicle and the delightfully cool air within to fetch the separated parts.

Now for the Plasticville moment... he had to fill out a form! The form explains in very legalese script that he noticed the container was not functioning properly! I am then duly informed that I must keep my Scottsdale issued container at the curbside for 3 days until a repair crew can visit my site, asses the damage and repair or replace the malfunctioning unit. There is a tear off section of the form which serves as the requisition for the repair crew.

The remainder of the must be affixed to the recycling container. This portion will serve as my "hall pass" for not storing my recycling bin in a timely manner! You see there are Home Owner's Association rules governing the appropriate amount of time a container may linger at curbside. If the container lingers and I do not remedy the situation, I will receive a stern warning in the mail. This gives me 10 days to rectify the situation before penalties may be applied. Apparently the City of Scottsdale can issue this nice little pass so I will not receive the warning.

Yes, that's right. Someone gets paid to drive around my neighborhood and check to see that my trashcans are properly stored. This task is so vital to real estate values that the Association Inspector must make the trip within 3 days of trash collection day and recycling day so that they would notice a pass affixed to the container. They must also receive training about the pass. This is how they would know not to mail the stern warning letter.

Plasticville!

I am getting fat again. I have no scale to check but the belly looks larger! I really have to get back on the South Beach Diet again.

I noticed that Scottsdale seems a bit more body conscious than Norwalk was. It's almost New Canaan like in it's expectation of how everyone should look.