Many of you have read the posts or heard me refer to my neighbor as the "Home Owner's Association Nazi" for some of the authoritarian steps he has taken to ensure the property values go up.

I am joking.

As a non Jewish, American, under the age of 70. I am able to joke. I was not "over there" in the 30's and 40's. My government does not outlaw certain symbols, articles and types of political speech. I know no one who was in a concentration camp, guarding or working to death.

It was easy to make the joke because:

• The guy has and umlaut in his first name
• He has 4 children that have blonde hair, blue eyes
• He is teaching them all to speak German
• He stands guard at play time with a stance befitting a good soldier

These thing do not make him a member of a regime bent on world domination and extermination of religious sects. For crying out loud, I'm of German descent. Properly spelled, my mother's maiden name has an umlaut in it. My grandmother spoke a German dialect.

I do submit, for your consideration, his choice in reading material. Courtesy of another error from the worst postal carriers in the entire USPS:


Yes, I cropped it to protect his mailing address (and mine since I admitted being his neighbor). This is, however, a magazine called World War II published by thehistorynet.com that promises new revelations from a lost interview with Hermann himself.

I know it is about history. I can read the inside cover has advertisements for Avalon Hill Games miniatures for boys (like me) who never grew up. It does make jokes about my neighbor a bit more fun, though.

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Apparently after a record setting temperature day we are getting a super windy night.

We are in full swing on the Master bath project. There are holes in the wall and ceilings. The electrician needed to run a circuit for the Jacuzzi tub motor. As with every utility in this house the connection (electric box) is on the opposite side of the house from the appliance! They fished and snaked and finally got the power to the bath room.

Everything is covered with plastic to avoid getting dusty.

So, one of Plasticville's other perks religious freedom, but not freedom from religion.

Upon meeting our new next door neighbors we were invited to "join them Sunday" and for Bible Study Thursday. I didn't even know their religion and I was invited. The "man of the house" quickly "shushed" her realizing it was probably too soon in the relationship to bring up the subject.

Can't blame her really. The other new neighbor moved in to be closer to their fellow congregants. We were really just "moving in with the flock" in her eyes. It would be rude not to extend the offer. Maybe she gets a free week off offerings?

We can't even discuss the depth of disdain from my neighbors when I did not decorate for the religious holidays in December. They were not sure whether to be more confused or concerned. "Are you Jewish?" Our friendly parishioner asked. The newest owners of one of our close cluster of homes proudly displays a Buddha on the entry column. I can't imagine the confusion and unknowing abuse they are getting.

Today, a slightly terrified, skinny, little kid stopped by to hand deliver an invitation. It was to a gathering at the Glendale Arena. He handed it over face down so I would not reject it immediately. His hand shook as he passed to to me.

I happily took his page and said something like, "Oh!" "Great!" "The Glendale Arena" Then closed the door before his speech began. Kid might have a career in sales after this round of rejection.

Well, in case you read this without heading my warning (bad bLog reader!) and wanted to join the Witnesses at their global, arena-sized, weekend-long recruitment drive the information is a below. If you can read it, you could just go the the Watch Tower.

Oh, by the way, welcome to Scottsdale. Bible Study is tomorrow night. Topic is "Wives Gone Wild: What would Isaac do?"

I completed the Documentum 5.3 System Administration I course today. Lots of supporting applications have changed since 4.2 and I think they are improvements. Need to rethink how some stuff is deployed in light of the new information.

Online classes are very nice on the travel budget, but not as nice to attend. I think the idea of working from home. In practice it is a different matter. Especially now, with the bathroom project in full swing. Things here are noisy and dusty. Nothing fills the air like pulverized concrete. It gets everywhere and you can feel it when you breathe it. I am gaining an understanding of the 9/11 "ghost look" that covered everyone you could see in the coverage on CNN. This stuff sticks to everything.

Plasticville has more aspects than plastic neighbors and draconian HOAs. It has realtors. Aggressive realtors who advertise without thinking. Aggressive realtors with really bad names.

Never Mind the Sex Pistol, It's Bob Bullock! He was the #3 Agent Companywide in 2003. He was the #2 Agent worldwide in 2001.

Never mind the market has slumped and Bob hasn't made the top ten is over 2 years...

He will sell your house for $562,00 - $725,000! On average that is only 75,000 less than you paid last year!

My wife informs me, "the heart rate monitor is an essential tool in maintaining an aerobic workout." Which I kind of understand. Aerobic workouts are entirely defined by maintaining your heart rate in a target zone for a period of time. This is stuff we have know since Jane Fonda sold VHS tapes.

I am expecting a wristwatch that takes your pulse. Maximum logic might include 2 beeps if your heart rate is too high, 1 for too low, not working hard enough. I seriously underestimated.

This is the most insidious sign so far. Cue the "Imperial March" for this one.

The Sensor

It comes with a sensor. A wireless data transmitting device. Say it with me, Sensor.

See, now I have the attention of all my technolusting, Gizmodo and Engadget reading IT brethren. Sensor? How does that work? Well, it gets strapped to your chest so it can sense heart beats and transmit an RF signal. It runs off a watch battery both to transmit and apparently to sense the heart. The Velcro® connector must be wetted for proper function, so they must be sending some current across the length of the strap.

The signal is picked up by the wrist watch receiver. Apparently, taking the pulse at the wrist doesn't work very well. Maybe there is something more to this, though. The signal is also picked up by the treadmill at the studio. So the sensor feeds a vast array of fitness related equipment.

The Receiver

The receivers can be programmed to emit the aforementioned beeps I suspected according to your personal workout profile. Using software on you PC (yes, PC only, us Mac guys get screwed again) you enter your height, weight, sex and desired fitness level. Then you get email from 1000's of horny guys from around the globe. Oh, wait that is another kind of website.

The target heart rate and length of your workout get calculated and sent to the watch (or treadmill or whatever). Yes, calculated. It knows about warming up and cooling off periods. This little watch thingy pack more power than my old Zaurus. You can also send little block pixel "backgrounds" to your watch in case you miss your old Tamagotchi.

The data is not send with a cable. It does not employ Blue Tooth® or utilize any 802.x communication. No, not IR. It uses a Sonic Modem. A what?

The Sonic Modem

Here is a low tech, low speed, completely hackersmack way to transmit data. The watch has a microphone and a piezo electric speaker. The PC must have a speaker and a microphone. You guessed it, the screech at each other just like good old analog dial up. When computers were fun. When you were sure that if you listened well and trained your ears yo could understand the computer's audible language.

After your work out the data recorded by the watch (treadmill) can be uploaded to the Polar website. Why I would ever want to post my poor performance to everyone on the planet I am not sure.

The Invitation

So the insidious part come via invitation. Her personal trainer invited me to come in and see the equipment. I can check out all the sensors transmitting, fitness equipment recording, internet uploading and get a free Personal Fitness Report. A what? Well, they have a machine that will measure my lean mass as a percentage of my overall mass combined with a short run on the treadmill with the sensor we can determine the exact amount of pure flab. Wow. I was still doing the "pinch test!" Boy am I out of the loop. Of course with all this applied technology they can upload to the internet and all of you can know just how fat I have become. Given the new fame of my fatness I will probably be motivated to work it off at the studio. "Feel the power of the Dark Side!"

When you buy protein shakes.

You couldn't pay me to drink these things. They make a mess out of all the glasses and shakers and anything else she can find to mix in while scrambling out the door to make her work out appointment.

And forget the jokes about "I got yer protein shake right here!" That just gets you slugged. AND with all the working out, getting slugged hurts now.