I am a slow learner. I do not usually like songs until years after their release. I have to admit I like this one. It is catchy pop and doesn't pretend to be more. I think the theme is great for a wedding album. I don't understand why it "doesn't do anything" for Pete.

Here it is, the Danger Mouse collaboration... Gnarls Barkley with Crazy.
07 Crazy

1. You are a big girl, learn to work the toilet seat!

Women's Rights

We need it up sometimes, you need it down. Why do I get the "honor" of lifting it AND dropping it? You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. It is not a woman's right to have the toilet seat up. Do you need a statistical analysis with a computer simulation model based on the labor consumed trying to meet your demands to explain it? Our man Anand Venkataraman can provide that for you.

Second Plea

Stop me if you heard this one. "If you ever sat on the toilet without the seat down and fell in, you would never leave it up again."

Ladies, think! I do sit down on the toilet.

It happens.

Have even done this after too much beer? Yes.

Have I done this in the middle of the night without turning the light on? Yes.

Guess what happened?

I know of what you speak. Strangely after a very few encounters, I LEARNED TO LOOK! Do you all reach the bathroom door, turn around and find the porcelain convenience ASS first? Check it! it is not that hard to look at it. Lift the lid if it needs lifting. Drop the seat if it needs dropping.

Men: for a great gag that will only cost about a week of sleeping on the couch, put the seat down. Then place a strip of toilet paper across it like the old "Sanitized for Your Protection" banner you saw in those really classy motels you stayed in as a kid! It is worth every scream, tear, slap or whatever she doles out just to catch that look of surprise and confusion on her face.

Photo courtesy sparky05's Flickr posting from the Ramada Inn.

The Lid

Then we get to the unsightly argument. The girl logic goes something like: a toilet is ugly and looks slightly better with the seat down. I agree. The toilet is not the most attractive appliance in the house. Maybe that is why we keep them in tiny rooms in hidden corners of the house? If you really want to improve the look of the toilet, put the lid down.

This is the point where the argument becomes transparent as a Women's Rights issue. For aesthetic reasons the lid should also be put down. It prevents dogs from drinking and toddlers from playing. The seat and lid should be down.

Women never argue for this. Women have confessed to sitting without looking and pissed on the lid and themselves. It is not about aesthetics. It is not about fair labor. It is about women demanding a right to a more convenient toilet.

Crying is Blackmail.

Use it as you would black mail. Do not over use it. Realize you are using it, even when you don't think you are using it.

"Tears of Joy" is an oxymoron. Crying is an appropriate response to pain. When someone close to you dies, a limb is severed or you got shot. Pain.

Anything else is a plot to make those around you feel guilty to get what you want.

According to the Wikipedia:

In many cultures, crying is associated with babies and children. Some cultures consider crying to be undignified and infantile, casting aspersion on those who cry publicly. In most cultures, it is more socially acceptable for women to cry in public than men.

An insincere display of grief or dishonest remorse is called crocodile tears, from the ancient anecdote that crocodiles would pretend to weep while luring or devouring their prey.

Try as you might tears will never be really understood as anything else. You might get tolerance, possibly sympathy. Anything beyond that, the black mail worked. Claim your prize and stop crying.

Corollary:

It has been said (by women) that crying is equally socially unacceptable as cursing (see Expletive), slamming doors or throwing things in anger (see Dammit Tool). The social grievance might be equal, but the verbal and physical violence to inanimate things is an admission of guilt. It does not demand things of others. Crying creates guilt in others or thrust it upon them. Therefore is black mail, not simply a release of emotion.

Brian finally got to take a breath and started calling everyone with the much anticipated details.

Basic facts: 7 lbs. 14 ozs. 21"
Marcus Aaron James Braden
Born 11/10/2006 17:37

Jennifer (Momma) is fine. After 37.5 weeks, probably relieved. She was released on Sunday.

Brian is the happiest parent I have heard in a long time. I could not resist this post. It makes me giddy just to hear him coping with the changes.


Podcast

Miller has "Man Laws," Chuck provides "Guy's Rules," I interpret, embellish and publish them as "Man Rules."

---

1. Men are not Mind readers. Ask for what you want. To clarify:

• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

---

This is the first Rule so let's talk about the format. All Man Rules are number 1. They are all important. It is good to be number 1. So they are.

The Rules are intended for women. Men already know these rules, this is a repository of simple explanations you can give to women that are not aware of the rules.

So, apparently working out is not enough. There is all the "extra cardio" that is required to lose weight. Working out causes mostly weight gain as the muscle mass increases. There is plenty of walking and running involved in extra cardio. Yes, it is a little disturbing to the sedentary folks like me. It is not shake in aisle as the spirit moves you, disturbing, but it is the same vector.

So, extra cardio is weird. More amazing is the warmup. I always heard about warming up before a work out. I can understand stretching to avoid pulling a muscle and doing damage. Apparently warming up also get you in a cardio range. So there is a treadmill and several minutes of "walking" on the habittrail. I am reaching the limits of understanding why you work out before you work out. Then she said, "yesterday, during my warm up walk. I burst into a run for the last 3 minutes. It felt great! I think I am going to do it again."

No, the trainer did not "encourage her."

No, a thief brandishing a weapons did not enter the studio and threaten them.

She just did it because it might feel good.

I am beyond my ability to comprehend.

Brian Called He met Jennifer at the hospital at 4:10 PM.

Water broke, this is really happening.

Chuck got stuck managing an implementation of QumasDoc (now DocCompliance) at Purdue. Despite this introduction we got along just fine. Chuck likes cars. Old cars, new cars anything he can tweak a little more horsepower from, pretty much makes him happy.

Chuck is also the source of some of the best "list humor" I keep. He find lists that last. They are fun, but they don't wear out after the first reading. The latest gems is a list of definitions. Simple definition of the function of tools. You know, stuff guys should know.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted airplane part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Or snap off shower necks. I broke one off and needed to get the tile removed, replace the "receiver" and retile. Ooops!

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog shit off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16 INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last over tightened 58 years ago by someone at ERCO, and neatly rounds off their heads.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.

This just in...

The United States returns to its senses and give control of the House and Senate back to the Democratic Party after 12 years of short cutting due process, closing hearing and bending over backward to please the President.


Thank you.

You may soon be forgiven for letting that texas moron in control, twice!

No wedding soundtrack would be complete without some adoring, saccharine songs. This proves a few things. Vicky is getting lucky this time. In every way Mike just interpreted that line! Last time around was not such a good move. There was way too much pressure to do as God intended and live with it. Not enough thought was spent on how to make the best of things. I expect this time she will be happier.

Mike gets it. He hides it well, but he does know what is happening. The next few postings of his more humorous choices will not overshadow the fact that he is in love.

Cue the sap:
04 You and Me (Wedding Version)
14 100 Years
UPDATE: I was so taken away while blathering on about my hopes for the new couple I forgot to mention the Track vitals! Track 4 "You and Me" is a song by Lifehouse. This track and "Hanging By A Moment" should be playing on your radio about now. "100 Years" is a great track by "Five for Fighting" who also have a track called "Superman" that you also heard on the radio or the Smallville sound track. Hopefully all this information is in the MP3 metadata for your reference.

One back story on this track is William Broad wrote it in protest of his little sister getting married to a man which Billy did not like. I hope that is not why this track made it to the album. It's been said before, but I like Mike.

My sister did not have the best start on life, but pulled herself through way more shit than I will ever be able to pull through. Mike is like an antidote for that. He can make light of any situation without missing the real gravity of it. It is a great thing for a woman who forgets to laugh and is anticipating the worst.

I really don't know what she is freaking out about. She has it down. Husband, family, house and new Honda CR-V. What else does she want? She has "made it." Did you scan that, Vic? Take a chill! Enjoy a little.

Hopefully this track is on the disc for its popular ties to the Wedding Singer movie. Maybe it is another reason, Mike? Care to clarify?

Track: 03 White Wedding

Larry asked, "what does your dog do all day while you are at work?"

Simple answer: Sleep!

I told him I can get home early some days and the dog will not even hear me come into the house. He loves his nap time.

Larry asked, can you catch him sleeping? I did:


He didn't even open his eyes until the red eye reducing preflash was going.

Yes, the bedding is probably Fleinhardt approved.

Mike has long followed the output of a boy named E. It seemed improbable that at least one eels track would not make it on the album. E is all over the charts in style and tone, but always manages to speak some truth in the oddest possible way.

For much more information, free tracks and a directory for another slice of the music world check out the main EELS page.

Anyway on to the track: 02 Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)