Man Rules: Toilet Seat

1. You are a big girl, learn to work the toilet seat!

Women's Rights

We need it up sometimes, you need it down. Why do I get the "honor" of lifting it AND dropping it? You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. It is not a woman's right to have the toilet seat up. Do you need a statistical analysis with a computer simulation model based on the labor consumed trying to meet your demands to explain it? Our man Anand Venkataraman can provide that for you.

Second Plea

Stop me if you heard this one. "If you ever sat on the toilet without the seat down and fell in, you would never leave it up again."

Ladies, think! I do sit down on the toilet.

It happens.

Have even done this after too much beer? Yes.

Have I done this in the middle of the night without turning the light on? Yes.

Guess what happened?

I know of what you speak. Strangely after a very few encounters, I LEARNED TO LOOK! Do you all reach the bathroom door, turn around and find the porcelain convenience ASS first? Check it! it is not that hard to look at it. Lift the lid if it needs lifting. Drop the seat if it needs dropping.

Men: for a great gag that will only cost about a week of sleeping on the couch, put the seat down. Then place a strip of toilet paper across it like the old "Sanitized for Your Protection" banner you saw in those really classy motels you stayed in as a kid! It is worth every scream, tear, slap or whatever she doles out just to catch that look of surprise and confusion on her face.

Photo courtesy sparky05's Flickr posting from the Ramada Inn.

The Lid

Then we get to the unsightly argument. The girl logic goes something like: a toilet is ugly and looks slightly better with the seat down. I agree. The toilet is not the most attractive appliance in the house. Maybe that is why we keep them in tiny rooms in hidden corners of the house? If you really want to improve the look of the toilet, put the lid down.

This is the point where the argument becomes transparent as a Women's Rights issue. For aesthetic reasons the lid should also be put down. It prevents dogs from drinking and toddlers from playing. The seat and lid should be down.

Women never argue for this. Women have confessed to sitting without looking and pissed on the lid and themselves. It is not about aesthetics. It is not about fair labor. It is about women demanding a right to a more convenient toilet.